ahh haa!

As I sit and sit in my sadness, berating myself for being an ungrateful bitch, I catch messages like,

"We all have a calling, what Joseph Campbell calls the "call to adventure," a divine purpose asking us to step up, take risks, and leave a legacy. What's YOURS? "from Dr. Lissa Rankin on Facebook.

My calling... sigh~

Well, first I have to admit the truth. I hate where I currently live. Hate is a strong word and makes me feel really bad so how about I quote my sweet, 5 year old nephew Sam, and say "This city is not my favorite" -better!

I was raised in a high sierra town with no stop lights. Chester, California population 2,500 give or take. I graduated in 1984 with a class of about 54 students. I spent the next 16 years married to a drunk, abusive contractor. The day my kids and I moved away, I felt as though we had escaped. Indeed, I set some new bars in the family I was raised in...

We lived ever so happy for the next 8 years in Chico, California. I was a proud, successful single mom who adored her two amazing boys. I joined the gym I'd always dreamed of, I lost 3 dress sizes, built my nutrition business and rocked my little self into happiness. My soul was free...

I had the luxury of rolling around in my personal growth. For the first time ever, I was beyond "survival" so I could just simply ponder... Some days I cried and sobbed over childhood issues, other days I would walk through the day in aw and gratitude for the very life I had. Finishing each and every thought and then some.

The thing that was missing was a love. I longed for a partner. For the 8 years I was single I dated and had fun, but every time I began to feel drawn in with someone, I would soon discover they were another addict in disguise. The final rose ceremony ended with me calling the police, as the last freak show was trying to break into my house!

ummm, maybe I'm not ready!

So for the next 8 months I sat alone and pondered...

Then I met Dave! Yaay! Happy ending for sure! We've been together for 4 years, married for 5 months. This is where the ungrateful bitch arrives, ready? I can hear Sam's voice~

Dave is absolutely, everything I had listed to the Universe that I wanted. Honest, kind hearted, brilliant, Hot, loves me, loves my kids, loves my dog! Yaay!

What I didn't list? Lives in Chico.

"I am so homesick, I could die" isn't that a country western song?

Or is it more? I ask myself everyday, what is it? why am I so sad. I'm pondering again...

I've been getting clues as to what my calling is about. I knew it had to do with kids and making a difference somehow.

I'm good with a certain age kid. My boys tell me all the time that I should be a counselor or something...

A difference... in a town I love with kids that need me. Chico.

"I want to go home" has been whispering from my depths for longer then I realized.

Good News!

Dave is open. He admits his fears and is speaking his truth. Which is a big reason why I so adore him.

I believe that their are no mistakes. That all is well as it should be, as long as we are honest.

I believe that God will pave the way the clearer I become.

So Clarity! Bring it!

What I see today is a Center for middle school kids. A safe place that encourages, uplifts, and inspires kids from sixth grade though eighth grade.

I shared my thoughts with my boys in the car this morning on the way to school. We all felt electrified! It's been awhile since I felt that... We pondered some names and came up with The CYC pronounced psych for get psyched!! or excited!

Chico Youth Center, today, February 8th, you were conceived...

I can't wait to meet you! I already love and cherish you

Love Love Love,

Me